What a Madcap Mom Wants for her Birthday

Today I turn 29. One year closer to 30, which I'm really excited about. Here are some things I routinely fantasize about:

* Liposuction

* A two-week cruise through the Mediterranean on a luxury liner

* 48 hours of uninterrupted sleep

* To blow-dry my clean hair and not have anybody spit up in it, or run peanut butter hands through it for a whole day...or even an hour

* To be 19 years old again and enjoy a weekend as a freshman at JMU. Such freedom. Such little responsibility.

Since none of these things are possible, I will just be content spending a day with a loving and supportive husband and two adorable kids. There really isn't a better, and more fleeting gift than snuggling my children while they are little. Running my hands through George's baby mohawk, fuzzy as a baby duckling, and playing "This Little Piggy" with Luke's tiny toes won't last forever. Today, it's my gift.

And besides, I know that in twenty-five years or so, I'll wake up from my long night of uninterrupted sleep, head to the plastic surgeon for my lipo procedure, scheduled so I can fit into my glam swimsuit on my posh Mediterranean cruise, and think, "Well, this is nice, but what I really want is for my kids to be so tiny, I could scoop them up in my arms again. I want Luke's chubby cheeks and George's gummy smile back." Okay, probably not the lipo part, but the rest of that scenario, for sure.

EDIT: Someday when I'm longing for my kids to be small again, I'll remind myself of my 29th birthday, when one of my children, who will remain nameless, turned the phone on and left it that way so that his aunt couldn't get through from Germany, peed on every object that didn't move, took the Lysol that his mother used to clean up his messes and sprayed his whole face and his mother's brand new leather purse that her mother had bought her in Italy for her birthday, and screamed so loud during the eyewash session that ensued that his brother woke up from his much-needed nap.