Dear George

Dear George,

I know you read my blog. Usually on your third cup of coffee, right after you read the Wall Street Journal, and before you check woot.com (today it's an ultraviolet toothbrush sanitizer and holder--a total waste of your time, considering you have no teeth). So anyway, I know you will read my message, and given your laid-back disposition, should be more than willing to comply.

Please stop waking up so many times every night wanting to eat. You are 5 1/2 months old now. Eating around the clock is child's play. You are a big boy now, time to cut it out. Remember that one time you slept from 10:00 until 6:00? Remember how I burst into your room and shouted, "WASN'T THAT FUN?!?!?!" and then I spent the rest of the day grinning like an idiot and hugging complete strangers? Well, it WAS fun, so fun that I'd like to do it again. And soon!

You know your cousin, Jackson, who is 18 days younger than you? He sleeps through the night. No eating! Zia Meredith has to put his pacifier in his mouth a couple times every night, but he doesn't want to eat. I'd be happy to do that for you. I've tried--and you usually look at me like I've completely offended you, which makes me totally buckle under the pressure. See, I'm a people-pleaser and I want people to like me, including you, my little puddin' head! Hopefully you're a people-pleaser, too, and you'll understand that I'd be happier if I was getting at least one session of delta sleep per night, and you'll be content to wait until 7:00 to eat. Too greedy? Okay, 6:00.

Now, I'm not an unreasonable mom--I expect a little quid pro quo in this game. Okay, some call it bribery, that's fine. I will buy you 800 thread-count Egyptian cotton crib sheets if you knock it off before you turn six months old. Dupioni silk from Posh Tots? That's ridiculous! Okay, fine, you drive a hard bargain. I'll do anything to get a little extra shut-eye.

Besides, if I have to get up several times to feed you, how am I going to have the energy to get up and deal with your two-year-old brother's multiple wakings?

Love You Forever,
Mommy

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Ever been so desperate for sleep, you'd write a blog post to your baby, practice voodoo, or stand on your head in the corner of the nursery all night if it meant no night feedings?