Three Strikes and Counting

Meet my brother-in-law, Chris, and my adorable nephew, Jackson. We're having a great visit with Chris, Jackson, and my sister, Meredith, in Virginia. Chris is a great guy, treats my sister well, is a good dad, is kind to my family...but I've pushed a few of his buttons today.

It all started when my sister's college friend and our sorority sister, Kristie, came over for a visit. Being that Kristie does not have a facebook account, we spent some time letting her facebook-stalk old blasts from the past via Meredith's account.

It was all fun and games until Chris walked in the room and said something to me. I should interject here and state that I do not have any ability whatsoever to talk and read at the same time. And as I answered him, I glanced at the screen and saw a different name, and I called him by it. The unfortunate thing about it is that this name is the same name as my sister's ex-boyfriend. Chris clenched his jaw and Meredith slapped her hand over her open mouth. My eyes bugged out of my head.

Never one to be comfortable with an elephant in a room, I shouted, "THAT'S SO AWKWARD THAT I CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE THAT'S MEREDITH'S OLD BOYFRIEND'S NAME!" "Yes, I know," he responded.

I would like to point out that it was NOT Meredith's old boyfriend we were stalking on facebook.

Anyway, strike one.

Later, Meredith and I went shopping. I bought some adorable plaid espadrille wedge slingbacks. The thing about Meredith and I is that we like to have matching shoes. We have matching red patent leather ballet flats, floral print ballet flats, some shoes that Chris calls "homely shoes", and probably several more pairs that I can't think of. Blame it on our mother for putting us in matching clothes growing up. It went without saying that Meredith also had to have some adorable plaid espadrille wedge slingbacks.

I came home and modeled my new shoes for everybody. "Great," Chris said, boring holes into my face with his eyes, "if you had to get cute new shoes, that means Meredith had to have cute new shoes."

Strike two.

After dinner, we were eating ice cream sundaes. Meredith and Chris, being first-time parents, are somewhat particular about Jackson's diet. But I'm somewhat particular about Jackson choosing me as his favorite aunt, so I was slipping him bites of chocolate syrup when they weren't looking. And when I say bites, I mean probably a cumulative quarter teaspoon when all was said and done. Feeding a baby ice cream is white trash, I'll give you that. But when I got caught, they both looked at me like, WHY DON'T YOU JUST FEED HIM A FRIED BOLOGNA SANDWICH AND PUT DIET MOUNTAIN DEW IN HIS SIPPY CUP?!?!?! I was busted.

Strike three. Technically, I was out, but I like to go out with a bang, so I kept going.

Chris did the dishes tonight. After I came downstairs from putting my kids to bed, I noticed that he left his wedding ring on the window sill above the kitchen sink. As Chris was out of earshot, I pointed the ring out to Meredith and asked, "Want to play a trick on Chris?" "NO!" she replied, giving me a really annoyed look.

Strike four averted. But, I predict that by the end of the day, I will accidentally walk in on Chris using the "little boys' room". It would be very fitting.